God Showing Up in the Valleys

Being on the mountain this month, I have been in the valleys a lot, if I’m being completely honest with you guys. A lot of things have happened in the last few weeks, and I don’t even know where to start. I want to say that I have grown a lot, but I don’t truly believe I have. However, I do fully believe that the Lord is in the process of growing me, because this month has been anything but easy. I don’t want you to take negativity away from this blog, but I do want to be vulnerable in sharing the weight of my heartache. This heartache held on to me for almost the entirety of this month. 

After the first week of ministry, I was feeling on top of the world…and then Sunday hit. Sunday, I started to feel very nauseous and uncomfortable. The discomfort was felt all day, to the point that I made myself throw up just so I could feel better. Unfortunately, I spent all day doing that and was taken to the clinic, because I wasn’t receiving any relief. They treated me for a parasite and sent me on my way. I was feeling better and continued in ministry the following two days. 

Tuesday night the nausea and discomfort returned, and I stayed up all night in pain and throwing up. At that point, I was by myself feeling so alone, and ready to go home. The next day, we went back to the clinic. While there, I was filled with fluids, didn’t understand what was being said, and had my blood drawn for testing. After being there for several hours, the tests came back positive for salmonella poisoning. They sent me away with a bunch of medication I didn’t understand, and I had to return the next day for more fluids. Even with the medication and fluids, I wasn’t feeling any better and didn’t know what to do. 

Thursday was my last day at the clinic. My team’s health coordinator, Katie, brought her bible and offered it to me to read. I was feeling so discouraged, so I just started reading. Truly, I was just reading to try to distract myself. Thankfully, God’s word is living and active, whether I read it with an open heart or not. As I read, I just wanted to go home more and more, even though I knew this is where the Lord had called me. The Lord revealed to me that if this is what He called me to, then the only way I can receive the blessings and joy of following Him is by opening my hands and allowing Him to use me. 

I started to read Romans, and meditated on several of the verses, that are known to many of you as The Roman Road. The Lord reminded me that I am here to spread the gospel and the hope that the Lord brings to all. He showed me that I am here for a reason and that He is working and moving wherever I go. 

I got the opportunity to talk to my nurse, through Google translate of course, and she shared that she personally knew Jesus. I got to pray over her and the health of the community. One thing she said I thought was so heavy, “Pray that Jesus will come soon.”

I want to say that my whole perspective changed after that, but the Lord has continued working on me for the last 3 weeks. Several days were spent in depression, there were a lot of tears, a lot of disengagement, and a lot of hardheartedness. I was ready to go home, but being in month one that relief wasn’t coming anytime soon. This realization just led me to a lower place. 

I wanted the comforts of being in a place that I know, with people I know, and I still desire the same. However, I have been reminded over the last couple weeks that God is my constant. In the past, I have planted myself in so many other places that will never be an assurance of stability, but God never changes and He is always with me. This month has been spent going to God’s word with heaviness because while He is my constant, I have also been pushing Him away due to my frustration with where He has me right now.

Now, it comes in waves. During the day and while doing ministry, I have been filled with joy. Then, some afternoons/evenings hit hard and I find myself very low. The Lord has been so good to surround me with a community who have been quick to listen, encourage, and love me. I thank God that He works through them in this way. Through it all, He has been faithful. He has been faithful to stay. He has been faithful to move. He has been faithful to love. He has been faithful to show up. 

This week, we say our goodbyes to all of the kids, and I am so thankful for the time I have gotten to spend with them. They have so much Love.

(The girls found that accessorizing my hair with tree limbs was a ground breaking idea.)

God is here, and He is moving in them. As we said goodbye to the little ones today, we were given so many hugs! One of the girls came up to me and hugged me, so I greeted her with a simple, “mi amiga” (my friend), and I heard her little whisper, “para siempre” (forever). Another one of the girls, who we specifically poured into this month, as a leader, left us by saying, “thank you for being an example for us.” 

The mothers of the children present, thanked us for coming and wished that we would return in the future. 

God moved! Even in my discouragement, and even when I couldn’t see what He was doing. The kids saw Him, the moms saw Him, and that’s all that truly matters. They saw the Love that God is, and the relationship that they can have with Him. Thank you Lord! 

 

Pray for: 

-The leaders we poured into this month, that they would come beside Juan, our ministry host, and take part in what God is doing in their community. 

-Our team’s hearts as we say goodbye, and transition into a new country in two weeks. 

-The community, that they would see God’s love and the hope that He gives. 

-My heart, as the Lord works on it and changes me.